So, why the potential lapse in this not-so-long held tradition? Well, after multiple un-productive brainstorming sessions and several failed attempts at composing a post, I gave up. So much happened last year, but unlike previous years, I was unable to compose a concise recap that highlighted the progression of my journey to success or come up with an applicable theme.
But, the more I thought about the year, the more one theme stood out—doubt. Last year was filled with major decisions, significant milestones, and realization of goals I had set. While these changes brought excitement, walking in this new realization exposed me to a level of stress and doubt that I had not envisioned. Reading my previous New Year posts, I wondered if the old me would’ve spoken with the excitement he did if he knew the consequences his desires would bring—a level of doubt that would challenge his core values and basic approach to life. Boy, I am being dramatic.
Anyways, I will stop rambling and pose this question: If you died in this moment, what would be your final thought? Would it be some consoling thought affirming your presence and the decisions you made leading to that moment? Or would it be disappointment, a regretful reflection on what could have been, if the sacrifices you made were really worth the end-product?
In 2017, I wrote enthusiastically, correction, I wrote with certainty the path to success was filled with challenges and fulfillment, but not doubt—I don’t think I ever mentioned doubt. 2018 was a year. I am actually writing this sentence with 3 minutes left to midnight. 2 hours before I wrote that sentence, I was leaving work. That sucked, especially considering I was sitting by a fireplace sipping wine a year prior. Still, the doubt was a far sight in the distance that I had to squint at. Then I called my sister (I moved last year) who was at my brother's home with the rest of my siblings and my nieces and nephews; you know when you turn a corner and bump into someone? Well, waiting for me after I got off the phone was doubts smirk, looking at me like the Willy Wonka meme.
I can’t help but ponder that question more these days—what would my thoughts be if I died? Would I be okay with the sacrifices I made to get to the point I was?